I dedicate this post to all those who have, are and will experience the Dark Night Of The Soul. I know from experience how it feels and the amount of pain, suffering and misery that it can bring forth. Know this though, your darkness will become an asset. My Dark Night Of The Soul experiences have been very tough, taxing and extreme. Many times I wanted to kill myself or cease to exist. I would see all the darkness in this world and really ask myself what is the purpose to this or I would ask myself why I should tolerate and accept life as is?
I cannot speak of anyone else’s experiences with the Dark Night Of The Soul; I can only speak from mine and what I’ve discovered is life becomes a roller-coaster. Constantly oscillating between being positive and negative is what I’ve experienced. To the point where it’s very taxing on my spirit, mind and body. When I experience the Dark Night Of The Soul I feel very weak, drained, confused and I lack motivation to really do much. It literally makes me feel very tired and it’s not uncommon for me to sleep 10-12 hours a day when experiencing it.
The Dark Night Of The Soul inhibits me from thinking clearly, prevents me from reasoning through my life and making changes that would benefit me. I react in such a negative manner that if people were to witness it they would all say I was having a nervous breakdown. That’s what it seems like to me as well; the emotions, feelings, sensations and so much other stimuli can be overwhelming. It’s not uncommon for me to have a ‘mental rant’ for like hours about something. I literally will for hours be angry, frustrated and upset with something. It’s extremely taxing on my well-being and then on top of it I feel ashamed and guilty about it.
What I’ve learned is that the Dark Night Of The Soul is not something to be ashamed of. It’s something to be embraced, as Carl Jung has said:
I trust that my experiences with the Dark Night Of The Soul will result in a positive harvest. There is something behind all this darkness; there is a source of wisdom and knowledge that is rich beyond my wildest dreams. I know my experiences with it will help liberate myself from this false reality. This is what I’ve been seeing slowly; life is transforming for the better. I’m on the threshold and this last obstacle is all that stands before me.
I haven’t told many people before, but I’ve encountered what many would call a demon. The entity’s name was Choronzon and that experience was at the time very traumatic and terrifying. What I’ve come to understand is that my confrontation with this seemingly separate entity was actually the heralder of the Dark Night Of The Soul. Choronzon has had many names throughout our history, but the role he/she/it fulfills is called The Guardian Of The Threshold or The Dweller On The Threshold.
I’ve come to understand that my encounter with this entity wasn’t some kind of external event; it was an manifestation of my unconscious darkness within. All the character defects, darkness and negativity that I have not integrated came to the surface so that remedy and resolve could be achieved. This is a very good sign for me; it’s not something to look at with dread and despair, because of my encounter with this entity it was a defining moment that will forever be remembered on my part as the beginning of the dissolution of my ego. Which ironically describes what Choronzon is, which is a spirit of dissolution.
That’s the function of the Guardian Of The Threshold and The Dark Night Of The Soul. It is with the very act of making the Darkness conscious that we achieve ascension. I’ve been playing around with the idea of ascension for quite some time, but it wasn’t until I fully understand my life experiences that I discovered that I am on the path of ascension; but not only that it’s been revealed to me that I have already ascended and it’s just a matter of time until this manifest into my conscious life. I’ve included an song below this paragraph that enbodies the Dweller On The Threshold in a very beautiful and artistic manner.
I’ve been receiving messages from my ascended self(Higher Self) for quite some time now and it’s increased dramatically. I’ve also been receiving guidance to start sharing some of my personal writings that I wrote during and after an episode of The Dark Night Of The Soul and also my encounter with the Dweller On The Threshold. I’ve been extremely hesitant to share such information; in fact there have been many times I was about to share my story and writings but decided not to because I was afraid how people would perceive them.
What I’ve discovered is that I am very much in contact and aware of what Cobra calls the Darkness which is a force that was generated by a angel(this angel is called Yaldabaoth) when he interacted with the Primary Anomaly. I’ve had dreams of where I was interacting with the entity called Yaldabaoth; whom cobra describes as being the angelic being that descended into the plasma plane and basically created The Darkness as we understand it.
I’ve been so afraid and worried about how people would react to my experiences, ideas, beliefs and dreams that I actually thought not sharing would be best. Yet there has been this soft and gentle voice that is urging me to start stepping out of my comfort zone and share what is within me. I will be sharing much more personal stories, experiences and beliefs with you all in the near future. I wont be revealing all of it in one big ‘data dump’, but I will share a story, article here and there.
I’m being guided to share a story though that represents our future and what is in store for us. This is one of the stories that I wrote that when I read it I couldn’t remember doing so. I’ve had many stories that I’ve written in which I’ve come across and didn’t remember writing them. When I first read it I was brought to tears because in resonated so deeply with me that in those moments of reading every word in it I could FEEL the reality of this future. It’s THERE already; this future, this Golden Age is actually a livning reality in this very MOMENT! It’s the embodiment of what many of us will experience in the near future. I call it Our World:
Our world is one filled with wonder and beauty. Where every living being realizes the divinity within themselves. The sky is riddled with our brothers and sisters who soar above and create dazzling colors and lights as they glide upon god’s living tapestry on high.
The cities are made of such awe-inspiring substances that look as if they are crystals. The colors reflect the moods and thoughts of the people. Pouring more love, light and compassion into our surroundings. This type of reflection allows us to see how our mood affects ourselves and those around us. With this interconnectedness we utilize this tool to help those who are displaying colors that are signs of erroneous thought-processes. Erroneous only in the sense that we as a collective and individual level have decided to live by the ways of the Law of the One. When the awareness that one of us is struggling, we band together to bring healing, light and love upon this individual.
This being becomes the center vocal point and we as a collective consciously determine the course of action that is needed. We act as a tribe, all contribute to the helping of those who struggle, until we see that they are back on their desired path. This form of assistance is ever-present, but occurrences of this type of help is diminishing as we reach a higher understanding both collectively and individually.
We assist the cosmos in the upliftment and enlightenment of beings who we share a natural affinity towards. This affinity being forged between the similarities of both our experiences. Thus, we are attracted and magnetized to those whom we can identify with. We seek to free them from the same forms of bondages we experienced so long ago. We consult with the Higher Order in finding a common ground between us and these people.
We’ve mastered our abilities to manifest. Telepathy and Empathy are as common as the spoken language was to us during 21st century. Our cities resemble small communities that reflect the magnificence of ourselves and the cosmos. Everything is designed to be in alignment with our understanding of the universe. The uniformity of buildings is undeniable across the whole globe. We no longer have the desire to promote separation, hence the uniformity of everything.
We realized in our past that buildings were constructed with the intent to be different. Cities would construct monuments to stand out from the crowd. To be different and to attract people to them. People would build skyscrapers in order to be seen and known. We eventually understood that this was a mental sickness. This externalized need for identity was the workings of our carnal mind. Everything we created was done to be “different” and “Separate” from other creations.
This created a atmosphere of competition and separation. The Council of Elders established by the Divine Hierarchy decided long ago to reformat the structure and layout of communities. They used intelligent designs to inspire certain ideas and impressions upon humanity. This intelligent design relieved the strain on Gaia. The early stages of colonialism were riddled with abuse and destruction of Gaia through the archetypes of Greed and Desire.
Our world, reflects the interconnectedness of we the people. Our creations no longer emphasize the individual consciousness, but instead the collective consciousness. Our education models are one and the same, when new methods of learning are discovered to be more beneficial, it is universally applied. We no longer have phones, planes, cars, or automobiles. We travel with consciousness. We’ve mastered the art of traveling within our light vessel. What many called the Merkaba in times long ago on Earth. We communicate via telepathy and there is no need for any device to do something that we can do with our consciousness.
We no longer identify each other with names. No such label is placed upon a individual because when we look at one another, we see the creator and all of humanity. We know that we are all one and we treat and love everyone as if they are ourselves. Names were discovered to be a apparatus of the separation mentality. This separatist mentality was very detrimental to our overall wellbeing.
The world we currently reside upon looks nothing like it did in 21st century. When “The Event” occurred the process of Evolution happened so quickly that it literally was mind boggling to the generation that was alive during that shift. Those who lived their first 30-40 years in duality saw before the end of their time on earth a world that resembled nothing of the old. The transformation was so beautiful and marvelous that the children of those parents who experienced the polarized reality could not understand how the world was like that. They could not fathom it, because it went against so much of the beingness that they were brought into.
The world we live in is governed by our Creator. We no longer have a separation of religion and science or religion and government. It is all one and the same. We see the interconnectedness in everything. We also don’t have the same form of government that existed during the beginning years of nation states. There is no police force, no violence, no starvation, everything is provided for. We came to understand that the world is abundant and more then capable to provide to everyone.
The Prime Creator is in the center of everything we do. We for the first time recognized the mistakes of the past. Not in the sense that they were “Wrong” but in the sense that they were needed to happen in the past, but no longer were needed in the present. So we decided to dedicate much of our effort to the education and reformulation of our individual consciousness. We created a system that allowed the past to be remembered for eternity and never forgotten. So that no generation would forget the patterns of the old. We didn’t bog ourselves down with the times of the past, but instead learned from them as much as we could.
The revelation of our true history awoken a renaissance unlike anything that has ever happened. The story of humanity upon Gaia touched the heart of every human being. We all banded together in order to create a more perfect union. People became motivated to find the best way to move forward. Technology was utilized at the beginning, but eventually we learned to harness the power of our consciousness. Thus, consciousness replaced technology. Technology was seen to be a separation by our people, this was very hard at first because the comfort of the individual overpowered the mass.
The self-seeking tendencies of the people during the transformation was a huge hurdle. It took awhile for the people to see the need to remove technology in our lives as much as possible. This was done by redefining and understanding technology. Technology as was known to the 21st century was, shall we say removed and replaced with a more suited technology. This technology can be termed Consciousness Technology if one were to need to place a label upon it. We replaced much of the technologies we had with new understandings and abilities. We merely had to learn to use them.
Much of the technology that people believed in was replaced. There still exists a few artifacts that remind us of times long ago. When we look at these things, we understand things from a whole different level. All of the past technology we had was replaced by our consciousness. We became masters of Technology by being one with the technology. This enabled us the luxury to no longer create separate forms of this being. We understood that the technology of the early days was disempowering, but alluring and seductive.
Life is beautiful, the animals walk amongst us. The carnivores no longer eat meat. The animals absorb energy from the source. We faeries fly openly, the beings that once hid themselves from humanity walk amongst us. Beings from all across the galaxy come to earth to learn about its history. The blue gem has a special place throughout the universe. It is a love story that many cherish and hold dear.
Source: Loner Wolf
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest Souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. – Khalil Gibran
Although we are all born with Souls, not all of us know how to fully embody them and integrate them into our human experience. The truth is that in our modern world, we live Ego-centrically rather than Soul-centrically.
Mystics, saints, and shamans throughout history have referred to our struggle as humans in different ways – but they all pointed to the need for us to consciously grow into our divine potential.
These days, the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul has come to be used in a much broader way. What was once a term reserved for people actively going through a Spiritual Journey, now has come to easily label anything ranging from a few bad days and a period of depression, to the death of a loved one.
But what really is the Dark Night of the Soul?
Are You Going Through a Dark Night or Depression?
I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.
– Friedrich Nietzsche “Thus Spoke Zarathustra“
Even back in the 16th century, Saint John of the Cross himself was at great pains to distinguish the Dark Night from mere melancholia (depression).
After all, the symptoms of the Dark Night of the Soul are not that different from depression. But while depression is psychological/neurological/biological, the Dark Night heralds a deeply occurring change within known as spiritual transformation.
Here are 7 “omens” that together signify you might be going through a Dark Night of the Soul:
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- You feel a deep sense of sadness, which often verges on despair (this sadness is often triggered by the state of your life, humanity, and/or the world as a whole)
- You feel an acute sense of unworthiness
- You have the constant feeling of being lost or “condemned” to a life of suffering or emptiness
- You possess a painful feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness
- Your will and self-control is weakened, making it difficult for you to act
- You lack interest and find no joy in things that once excited you
- You crave for the loss of something intangible; a longing for a distant place or to “return home” again
The ultimate difference between depression and the Dark Night of the Soul is that depression is usually self-centric, whereas the Dark Night is philosophical in nature and is accompanied by existential reflections such as “Why am I here?” and “What is my purpose?”
Also, when depression ends, not much changes in your life in terms of your beliefs, values, and habits. However, when the Dark Night of the Soul ends, everything in your life is transformed, and life becomes wondrous again.
The Necessity For Suffering
My desire to live is as intense as ever, and though my heart is broken, hearts are made to be broken: that is why God sends sorrow into the world … To me, suffering seems now a sacramental thing, that makes those whom it touches holy … any materialism in life coarsens the soul. – Oscar Wilde “Letters“
Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dąbrowski coined a term Positive disintegrationwhich views tension and anxiety as necessary in the process of spiritual and psychological maturing. In other words, it is the friction within us that causes the mirror of our Souls to be polished enough for us to glimpse our True Nature.
I often hear people speak of the Dark Night as some kind problem they have to “fix,” or something they “went through a long time ago, that is now over, thank God.” But what these people thought was a Dark Night may have just been a glimpse of the darkness within them, especially when they speak egotistically about it as if it were a badge of honor.
A true Dark Night of the Soul leaves a long-lasting impact on you – it changes you completely. When you exit a Dark Night, you will discover that something is always taken away from you (for the better), such as your beliefs, your perceptions, your former meaning in life, or even in rare cases, your ego. The metaphysician Ananda Coomaraswamy put it this way, “No creature can attain a higher grade of nature without ceasing to exist.”
Have you ever seen a butterfly begin to emerge from its cocoon? It must struggle in order to strengthen its wings. If someone frees the butterfly from its cocoon prematurely, it won’t be able to fly because its crucial tempering stage will not have occurred.
The same is true for trees. Trees need wind in order build their structural strength to stay upright.
Your Dark Night of the Soul is your wind, your cocoon; it is the struggle of shedding the Ego Self in order to embody the Soul Self.
If you try to avoid the hard work of, as Ananda put it, “ceasing to exist,” or breaking down your old confining structures, you won’t have what it takes to truly embody your essential nature.
The Spiritual Awakening Process
As humans, the prospect of change is avoided and resisted because it is unknown territory. Therefore, we fear it. For this reason, we require a Spiritual Awakening.
There are three ways that Spiritual Awakenings can occur: the first is at the hands of wise Teachers, the second is through the pursuit of soulfully mature people, and the third is spontaneously due to life experience.
Spontaneous awakenings arrive in a number of ways: a terminal diagnosis, old age, a near-death experience, a physical accident, the loss of a loved one, a romantic breakup, the destruction of your home or homeland, suicidal depression, or the complete loss of your religious faith.
The Dark Night is a herald, an omen, of change. It lets us know that we can’t continue living the way we have been living. There is no growth, no awakening in life, to life, without first seeing and acknowledging our existing disappointment.
Acknowledging our disappointment means becoming aware of the deeply held sense of “incompletion” that we all carry; it means becoming aware that something is desperately missing from our lives. Those that have experienced, or are currently experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul will know that something very fundamental at a core level is out of focus or completely lacking in their lives. Those going through a Dark Night will sense that so much more is possible in their lives, even though they don’t exactly know what that “so much more” is.
One of the common reasons why Dark Nights occur and are prolonged, is due to mystical experiences, or short glimpses of the divine, which spiritual teachers often refer to as “grace” or samādhi. Soon afterwards, the person “loses” this experience, and is plunged into unhappiness again. This is called the “halo effect,” “afterglow” or what the Sufis speak of as the “sobriety of union.”
Why does the “halo effect” happen? It happens because of the stark contrast between one’s rediscovered Divine Self and the return to one’s disconnected and tormented Ego self. To the spiritually mature person, the halo effect sets the stage for a future encounter with the transcendental, with God.
However, for the less prepared seeker, the glimpse into the Divine stirs up even more distress as old habits, obsessions, thoughts, and behaviors reappear. Now, such a person realizes that he has a long, complex, and demanding task of purification and transformation ahead of him.
In Spiritual Alchemy, there is a word for this experience called “solutio”; putting all the hard stuff in the waters of reflection (your ideas, your habits, etc.), where it dissolves and breaks apart, shows itself for what it is, and gives you the opportunity for a fresh start.
The solution to one’s suffering and disconnection from the divine realm can be any method of cutting away, dislodging, disintegrating and clearing old pieces of your life so that you can begin afresh.
Essentially, the Dark night is a process of shedding away your old home and going in search of a new one. Understandably, this process requires a huge leap of faith into the unknown which can come at quite a sudden and frightening pace.
If you think you might be going through this journey, it’s important that you know that many of us have been where you are. Many people still are. There is no map, there is only the flickering luminescence of your Soul to light the way.
I hope our work can encourage, embolden and support you if you are undertaking this descent into your Underworld. (You can read more about the Spiritual Awakening Process in our book.)
For now, here is my favorite Dark Night of the Soul quote by David Whyte who understood the value of making peace with the darkness:
…Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.
The dark will be your womb
The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.
You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
– “Sweet Darkness” by David Whyte