When a Child’s Life is Turbulent Parents Need To Take Solace in Compassion and Understanding

Life can be very hectic in our modern society. There seems to exists a vast plethora of ideas, things and situations in which we should worry about. We use worrying as a means of protecting ourselves from what we’ve come to believe is negative. In reality though; worrying doesn’t help us whatsoever. What little comfort or benefit we gain from it is short lived.

Many times we worry about things that don’t even come into being. For instance; let’s say a parent worries about their children. They think worrying is acceptable and that it’s perfectly natural. In reality though worrying is a fear based behavior and it doesn’t help whatsoever. In fact it is counterproductive to helping others.

worrying

Worrying will only create more of what we don’t want in our lives. When we worry about things; we’re projecting fear based energy; when this fact is coupled with the tenants of the law of attraction we see that our worrying is the reason why we experience more of the things we don’t want. Fear attracts fear; so if we keep being fearful; we’ll keep manifesting and attracting more fears into our life. Like attracts like and remember the saying:

th

When parents worry about their children it’s because they don’t want to destroy their sense of duty to their children’s wellbeing. The desire to protect our children is perfectly natural, but what many parents do is that they suppress their children with their attempts to protect them and fail to see they’re doing more damage than good by doing so. Many times parents project their ideas and beliefs onto their children in a attempt to make them the same as them in order to secure their safety and wellbeing.

Many parents don’t know the gifts and talents their children possess because their so focus on protecting their children that they don’t see the magnificent person their child is. They address things from the surface level and never really get the pleasure to understand their child. For instance let’s use an example. Let’s say Billy’s interests, hobbies and work is vastly different from his parents. Billy chooses to start a blog which helps thousands feel better about themselves everyday; but yet no one in his family has ever read a single article. They don’t know all the good that Billy does on this website. His ideas appear to be radical to their way of perceiving reality.

Let’s say that this blog that Billy started doesn’t make him money whatsoever. The parents try encourage Billy to get a full time job, but Billy doesn’t want to do that because he wouldn’t have time to write on his blog. Billy’s parents express disappointment and lack of support because they believe Billy needs a full time job. This creates a schism between Billy and his parents. Billy feels he cannot truly express himself to his parents because whenever he does his parents outright reject his ideas by virtue that it creates a sense of discomfort within them.

This sense of discomfort derives from Cognitive Dissonance which is when you’re confronted with an idea or belief that contrasts your own. They enter into a mild form of fight or flight mode and resist it vehemently. Most people don’t even possess the awareness of this process taking place. They believe it’s a perfectly natural response to what is. They view this belief, situation or idea as being a threat. Thus they conclude that if it is a threat to them; it is a threat to their child as well.

That doesn’t mean Billy’s parents are in the wrong or doing something bad. They just misunderstand Billy’s perspective and beliefs. Billy loves them regardless of them knowing what he does; because love doesn’t place expectations upon others. Love is free and flows with ease. We as guardians should strive to allow children to make their own choices and live life according to their own internal compass without pressure from parents.

What we see nowadays though is parents exerting their beliefs and opinions of life onto their children and if the child resists very little support comes from the parents. They justify this lack of cooperation through many ways; many times using guilt and fear to rationalize it. The Truth is though parents should encourage freedom of choice without pressuring them or making them feel “bad” for choosing to live a life that goes against their own beliefs.

 

Many parents nowadays believe they have it all figured out and that children need to solely learn from them. In reality though; there is no limit to how much we can learn from our children. We see this happen in schools as well; where teachers believe they know it all and if a student shares an idea that goes against what they were taught is the Truth; they will reject it. They don’t even consider it a possibility because they believe their degree makes them right. To be an true leader, a true authority one needs to remember that you never stop learning. There is never a time when we have it all figured out; when you believe you do; that’s when you know you don’t. The Truth is indifferent because it simply is what it is; when teachers reject ideas it’s because their ego is threatened.

Parents do this from a honest intent to help their children; but their misconstrued understanding of freedom has warped their sense of right and wrong. Parents believe their sense of right is the only one valid. They suppress new ideas and anything that they feel conflicts with their sense of continuity. If something comes into their awareness that threatens their sense of what is “right” they resist it.

freedom-of-choice

We need to allow children to make their own choices; but that doesn’t mean we allow them to come into harms way. If a child is walking on the road and about to get ran over; we run over to the child to get them out of the way. If a child is starting to make decisions and incorporate beliefs that raise concerns we can then talk it through with them. We must do this from a standpoint of not fixing or changing their minds; but instead from the mentality of compassion and understanding. Most of the problems we encounter in life derive from fear. If our child is having difficulties it’s because they are afraid.

Fear can be disarmed with understanding and compassion. Understanding your child is the key in helping heal their fears. When your understand them you’re essentially shedding light upon the darkness. You drive away fear with your willingly to understand and help them feel more connected. Compassion allows them to know that others really do care about them and that helps them open up even more. When you strive to understand your child you can learn so much from them.

th

Cultivate an atmosphere of understanding and compassion. Practice listening and remaining indifferent to what is brought into your awareness. Don’t judge what is said and try not to influence them to think otherwise. Guide them with your own understanding of life and what you’ve discovered works for them. Don’t tell them to do anything; let them decide what is right. With a little guidance you can help them discover the answers within themselves. We’re meant to guide our children to their own understanding, not ours.

We can only share our own perspective and opinions on things. We cannot force them to change or control them. Controlling children will not work; it will cause them to rebel even more and slide deeper into darkness and despair. Don’t place any expectations upon them; let them be themselves, even it it goes against what you believe is right. Because the Truth is what is right for you may not be right for them. You never know they may be very successful with what they choose to do.

If something truly is bad for them; you must trust that even if they don’t listen to you at first that eventually they will come to see it as being bad through experience. If you try to control them and attempt to stop it from happening you only delay the inevitable because they will do it regardless of what you do because it’s something that can only be learned through experience. Some things we can guide our children to understand; but other things they will have to learn from experience. This is a fact of life and when we accept this truth we allow our children to empower themselves.

So my beloveds, be loving, open-minded, kind and compassionate to your children. Allow them to simply be who they are. Remain open to who they are and see the magic that has always been within them.

Timothy Frappier

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s