The Toxicity of Non-Forgiveness
In today’s society many view forgiveness as a self-defeating act. Many people wish to hold on to resentments and anger towards others because in their mind they feel it is justified. We attempt to control others by placing expectations upon them, these expectations are desires. We feel these desires/expectations are acceptable and a normal thing to do. When people don’t fulfill our desires we become bitter, upset and spiteful. We use this mechanism as a means to express to others that you’re doing something that hurts me, stop it.
No matter how much you think your anger, bitterness or loathing towards someone is justified, in the end your the one who suffers. We have no right to force others to act in a certain way, we can only be responsible for ourselves, no one else. By holding on to these negative ideas and emotions, you put your well-being in jeopardy. Recent scientific studies have shown that anger can cause depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, stroke and even a heart attack. These negative feelings and belief create imbalances within our emotional world, which then proceeds to breakdown our immune system and body.
Eckhart Tolle sees these negative emotions as being part of our pain-body. He describes the pain-body as this:
“The pain-body is my term for the accumulation of old emotional pain that almost all people carry in their energy field. I see it as a semi-autonomous psychic entity. It consists of negative emotions that were not faced, accepted, and then let go in the moment they arose.” – Eckhart Tolle
When we hold onto feelings of bitterness, anger and loathing towards others we suffer greatly. Our pain-body will continue to manifest these painful experiences in our life. We attract that which we resist. The pain-body is a mechanism used to indicate to us that there is something we need to release. The pain-body isn’t negative in the sense it wants to hurt us, it’s negative in the sense because of our free-will we ignorantly choose to dismiss it’s signs and signals, thus continue to hold onto and accumulate more negativity. The pain-body can only persist if we remain stuck in the mind which gives us ample ammunition in the form of judgments to keep us bogged down in negative experiences.
Where There Is Forgiveness and Acceptance, There Is Healing
The key to healing ourselves and our pain-body is forgiveness and acceptance. These negative emotions cannot exists in a place of forgiveness and acceptance. When we forgive others, its not us releasing the burdens of others, but instead it is the relinquishment of a burden we ourselves have been holding onto.
We are the ones who suffer the most because of non-forgiveness, not others. Many times the people who we choose not to forgive don’t even know you dislike or hate them. They continue on with their life, unaffected by your anger, bitterness and hate. So if your attempt is to punish others by holding onto these negative emotions towards, I have a newsflash for you, it doesn’t work.
Forgiveness opens the doorway to unconditional love, unconditional love has the capacity to heal all the traumas, hurts and pains from our past. The act of forgiveness releases these negative emotions stored in our body and opens them up for unconditional love to take its place. Thus the more we forgive, the more love can be embedded within every fiber of our being. The more love we have within, the more love we shall attract to us. We attract what we believe, think and feel.
The Beauty Of Acceptance
The act of acceptance is the beautiful dance of embracing what is. By accepting what is we’re able to flow through life in a much more graceful manner. When we resist acceptance, we’re going against the stream of life and struggle to move each moment. Acceptance is the key to properly handle the poisonous habit of forming desires. The only desire we should have is to be our real authentic self. If we hold onto desires that are external of us, it will result in suffering.
Accepting the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and no body else allows us to attain a state of sovereignty. The focus becomes on oneself, because in the end our individual reality is formed by us. The external world is an reflection of our inner world. What is in is out and what is out is in. Everything that we experience is of our doing, so when someone annoys, angers, frustrates or irritates us, it is our own doing. The moment we accept these feelings as being our own creation, the easier it is to release them.
Claiming responsibility of one’s life allows acceptance to flow naturally. By accepting others as they are and not what we expect them to be, releases the burden of carrying the baggage that is not ours to keep. We cannot control others and the sooner we come to this understanding, the better off we’ll be. Forgiveness can be considered an attribute of acceptance, with acceptance we see that forgiving others is an act of accepting them for who they are. Thus acceptance supplements the act of forgiveness by allowing us to ride the currents of life through to the heart of what is. Because everything is what it is, embrace what is, be what is and know that forgiveness is what is.
Practicing acceptance is quite easy. When you feel negative emotions or start judging others, take a moment to pause. Observe the thoughts, sensations and feelings. Accept them as they are and attach no emotional judgment towards them. When we find the courage within ourselves to accept these emotions as what is, we make it easier to release them. When they’re released, think for a moment what belief or idea may have caused it, then explore that idea and observe what feelings and sensations arise. Accept those feelings & sensations and place no judgment upon them. This is the best way to practice acceptance, by doing this you release many burdens and bring peace into the forefront of your life. Keep practicing this until you feel you should stop, trust yourself and what you find, when doubt arises explore it and see what you find.
Acceptance and forgiveness is the key to a happier life. Acceptance is a state of being that embraces what is. By embracing the moment for what it is we bring peace, serenity and unconditional love upon this planet. We assist others by not casting judgments or placing unwarranted expectations upon them. By accepting others as they are, we bring harmony and unconditional love into our circle of influence. Therefore bringing the liberation of Earth closer into realization within the Eternal Now. Be consumed by the beautiful embrace of what is and forever be that which will always exist.
By: Timothy Frappier